A Message for Julia Read online

  “Whoever told you life was fair? It sure as hell wasn’t me.”

  He closed his eyes for an instant trying to clear his mind. His life had never been even close to fair. But what bothered him most was the fact she’d kept all of this—her new job and this crisis—a secret from him. They’d never had secrets.

  When he’d first heard Jack, he realized now, some part of his brain had thought it sounded like Julia. But he’d dismissed it because he’d thought she was still teaching at the elementary school. Now he wasn’t as shocked as he should be. “Julia, don’t do this.”

  “Don’t do what?” She actually sounded surprised.

  “This. It’s not your battle.”

  “I disagree.” She stomped across the kitchen and stared out the back window.

  The distance between them was too great. He had to find a way across it. “Tell me why you left the elementary school.” He did not want to start this conversation, but it now seemed inevitable.

  “I couldn’t do it. Because…it…it just wasn’t for me.” She fidgeted with the belt of her robe.

  Linc hated seeing the forlorn look on her face. He ached to pick her up, carry her away and fix it all. He also knew she’d resist that and probably deck him in the process. “I can be there tonight.”

  She looked up, and he thought she was going to smile. He held his breath, waiting. He couldn’t remember the last time she’d truly smiled.

  “But I’m not promising anything else.” He couldn’t do more than that.

  She nodded and turned away again.

  Linc went back upstairs, back to bed for a couple hours. He wished she’d join him, but he knew better. She’d have to call in sick to work and she took her commitments seriously—too seriously sometimes.

  The sheets were too damned cold.

  CHAPTER TWO

  Friday Evening, 7:00 p.m.

  THE CAFETERIA WAS FULL, but not so full that it was intimidating. Julia looked around. She knew most of these people, some by name but more by face.

  The six-member school board sat up front at a couple of the lunch tables that had been turned sideways. The twenty or so other people sat at tables where her students usually hung out laughing and eating lunch. It was a small town. A relatively small school. Nothing fancy.

  A few more people filed in and Julia leaned forward. Where was he? Her heart sank. She didn’t want to think that Linc had broken his promise, but he did have a habit of getting caught up in work at times and forgetting things—like dinner.

  The board had reviewed the budget, rehashed the booth at the county fair and had just started to go over the upcoming end-of-year graduation activities when the door creaked open.

  Julia fought her smile. She’d always prided herself on being independent. She didn’t want people to think she was one of those women who couldn’t survive without a man. But knowing that Linc had come to support her made something inside her shift, something warm. Maybe she wouldn’t have to do this alone anymore. He wound his way into the room and took the seat beside her.

  After another ten minutes, the meeting seemed to be winding down. Julia fought not to get her hopes up. Maybe they’d forget about her contract.

  “One final item,” a woman at the end of the table said. Julia craned her neck to see. She recognized her. She knew Shirley Wise from various events as well as from when she’d interviewed for the job at the high school.

  “Is Julia Holmes here?” Shirley looked directly at her.

  “I’m here.” Julia remained seated and Linc nudged her with his elbow.

  “Stand up,” he muttered.

  Julia frowned at him, but stood rather than have anyone around them hear her argue.

  “We’ve reviewed your contract and the letter of reprimand.” Shirley looked over her half glasses at Julia. “Both will stand, barring any further incidents. Thank you, everyone—”

  That was it? She wasn’t going to get the chance to speak? People around her looked confused and disapproving. Many probably already knew what had happened, others were totally clueless and were thinking the worst of her. Julia wanted to have her chance to defend herself and her actions.

  “Julia, shhh,” Linc said softly. He knew her too well, but he should also know she wasn’t going to back down.

  “I’d like to have my say.”

  “It won’t make a difference.”

  Shocked, she turned to stare down at him. What did he mean it wouldn’t make a difference? To him? To the school board? To her?

  Before she could recover and respond to Shirley, the crowd stood and the board members were heading to the door. Her heart sank and her anger rose. She glared at Linc, knowing disappointment fueled her ire.

  She was a good teacher, she knew that. She’d worked so hard for and at this job. She loved her students. She stared at Linc. He didn’t meet her gaze. He was chatting with the woman beside him, making casual conversation about the weather. Totally unaware that his actions were what hurt the most.

  Suddenly, she realized he no longer believed in her.

  LINC KNEW HE WAS in serious trouble, knew from a lifetime of experience and seven years of living with Julia that he was in deep. What he didn’t know was how to fix it. The helplessness he felt had become familiar over the past several months. He knew he should face it head-on, but instead, he let the woman beside him go on and on about the dry spell they were having. He couldn’t have cared less about the weather.

  The crowd thinned, and he waited for Julia to head to the door. He turned to look at her and immediately regretted the impulse. She was ticked, all right.

  But even worse was the pain he saw lurking behind the anger in her eyes. His heart sank. Maybe there was no fixing any of this.

  They drove home separately. He followed her SUV in his truck. Her taillights burned red as they drove through town where few streetlights had come on. In the distance, the glow of the mine created a halo on the horizon. His mind wandered to the work he had to get done up there tomorrow.

  He suddenly felt very tired.

  Linc pulled in beside her in the garage. Even before he’d opened his door, she was out of her car and the force of her door slamming shook the entire vehicle. She stomped up the two steps to the house and slammed that door, too.

  Linc just sat there staring at the closed door. He briefly wondered if she’d locked him out. He cursed. He did not want to go into that house. If he did, what would he say? What would she say?

  He knew it would take a while for her to cool down. Maybe he should just spend the night here in the truck. It wouldn’t be the first time.

  Long moments passed. Long silent moments. Slowly, the door opened. Julia stood there in the opening, the kitchen light haloing her just as the mine’s lights had haloed the skyline earlier.

  He couldn’t see her features clearly in the shadow, but her arms were crossed over her chest. She stood facing him, probably glaring at him, for a minute, then she spun on her heel. At least she didn’t slam the door this time but he knew he was no more welcome now than he had been before.

  Well, hell, he cursed silently. He’d spent the past seven months walking on eggshells around her, being cautious of her feelings, trying to fix everything. Why did he always have to be the good guy?

  He shoved the truck door open, smacking it into the side of her car, not caring if he left a ding, not caring about anything all of a sudden. He walked slowly into the house, closing the door and deliberately locking it up for the night as he always did.

  Finally, he faced his wife. She stood by the window, staring out at the backyard. He walked over to the fridge and opened it, the light harsh in the growing shadows, and grabbed a beer. The sizzle-pop as he broke the seal was loud. His swallow seemed loud in his head, but probably wasn’t. The drink sat heavy in his gut.

  “Go ahead, get it over with.” He sighed and took another painful gulp. Her silence tore through the night and through him.

  JULIA WANTED TO HIT HIM. Where that reacti
on came from she didn’t know, but suddenly she realized how far apart they’d grown. How distant they were. For the first time in all the years they’d been married, she doubted they’d be together forever. All these painful months, she’d thought they’d find their way back to each other. But she couldn’t do this anymore, and apparently neither could he.

  Linc walked over to the trash and tossed the empty beer bottle inside. He headed for the doorway, but stopped when he reached it. His back was to her, and the way he braced his shoulders told her he was far from done.

  She was right. He didn’t turn around but the voice that came from his throat was nothing like she’d ever heard before. It tore at her heart. “Maybe God was being kind when he took the baby away.” He took a few more steps. “Maybe we weren’t ever supposed to be a family.”

  He went into the living room and she stood there, as frozen as if he’d slapped her. Linc had hurt her before, but this was worse than anything she’d experienced. Not only because he’d set out to hurt her. But because he had wounded himself in the same instant he’d lashed out at her.

  He was halfway to the front door before she was able to speak. “Why did you even bother coming tonight?” She followed him. “Shushing me isn’t being exactly supportive.”

  “Support? Is that all you want from me? Just my support?” He said the last word as if it left a bad taste in his mouth. “I went to make sure you didn’t screw up and get fired. And you would have if you’d opened your mouth.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “Don’t I? Don’t you?”

  Anger and pain crashed through her. “Damn you, Linc. I…I hate you.” The words burst out, driven by the frustration that had built over the past seven months.

  He turned back to face her, his hand curling around the doorknob. “That makes two of us.”

  He didn’t say any more, but the spark of fury that flashed in his eyes hurt. Something drove her to want to hurt him back. “I’m leaving. I can’t do this anymore.”

  “Can’t do what?” He let go of the knob, all six-feet-two inches of him moving to within touching distance. “Keep working at our marriage?”

  Julia almost reached out to him, but couldn’t seem to remember how. For months they’d been so distant, she’d forgotten what it felt like to be comfortable with him. An ache grew inside and she just wanted it all to go away.

  “I’d say you quit working at it a long time ago.” Linc glared at her. “You didn’t even tell me you’d left your job a month ago!”

  “I intended to tell you.”

  “Yeah, right.” He moved away again.

  “Oh, and you’re any better?” She stomped toward him. “You won’t even discuss going to see a fertility specialist. I want a family, Linc.”

  “And I’d be happy just to have a wife at this point.” His breath came in deep gulps. The air in the room crackled with anger. With frustration. With wanting something—anything else.

  The hardness in his eyes wasn’t something Julia had ever seen before. He was silent so long that she turned back to the kitchen.

  His voice came out so softly, she’d have missed it if she’d gone any farther. “You’ve already left me,” he whispered.

  She heard the door open and spun around to watch him disappear into the shadows of the front porch.

  His words sounded final. Permanent. Wrong.

  But wasn’t that what she wanted, what she needed to get herself and her life back on track? Lifting her chin, Julia stared after him, then turned on her heel and hurried to the bedroom.

  She yanked an overnight bag from the closet and shoved a change of clothes, toiletries and little else into it. “Damn you, Linc,” she muttered.

  Why didn’t he come back into the house? Was he just going to let her go? She didn’t hear the roar of his truck’s engine, so she knew he was still here.

  Fine, if that’s how he wanted it, she’d leave.

  She grabbed her purse and her car keys and ran, as best she could with the suitcase in her hand, back to the garage. Her car still pinged, cooling from her trip home. The dome light washed out the open door, almost welcoming. The starter ground painfully and her tires squealed on the pavement.

  She tried not to look back. She simply glanced in the rearview mirror, catching a final, fleeting look at the tiny house she loved so much. She tore her gaze away. All her dreams lay back there, shattered and lost.

  A sob broke loose from her throat, and Julia let it settle in the night air. Where was she going? What was she supposed to do now? There wasn’t a single person in this godforsaken town she could turn to.

  She drove to the edge of town, out near the interstate where a few hotels sat scattered along the worn highway. The Holiday Inn was the first one she reached, and she checked in.

  Nothing was ever going to be the same again.

  Sunday Afternoon, 5:30 p.m.

  LINC DOUBTED THERE had ever been a game of chess played anywhere near the Chess Club. But the picture of a Black Queen chess piece looked cool on the old tavern sign. He stepped inside, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the sudden darkness.

  Miners came here after every shift. Since moving here, he’d gotten into the habit of stopping in once or twice a week to meet up with some of the guys. He’d started doing it to try to build relationships. Now, he just needed company.

  Art and Luther, old men who’d put in their time at the mines and now enjoyed retirement, sat in their usual seats at the end of the bar. Grant, the owner, stood behind the bar, perpetually polishing glasses. It all felt so normal.

  Linc was the one out of kilter. He claimed a barstool and ordered a beer. He’d downed half of it before a hand clapped him on the shoulder.

  “Hey, buddy. Where the hell you been?” Mark Thompson, a miner he’d become friends with since he’d started coming here, smiled at him. He and Mark had developed a friendship of sorts, based mainly on their love of football and failure at darts. Mark climbed up on the barstool beside him and ordered a repeat of Linc’s drink.

  “Been busy.” Linc had thought he wanted someone to talk to, anything but the silence of the house without Julia, but now he realized that talking was one thing he didn’t want to do.

  “Yeah, I heard about what happened at the meeting. Bet your wife is ticked.”

  That was putting it mildly. “Yeah.” He took another deep swallow of his beer.

  “She’ll get over it. You up for a game?” Mark tilted his head toward the dartboard. Linc just shook his head.

  “Too bad. I was in the mood to kick your butt.” Mark drank his own beer with a smile.

  They sat in silence for a long while. Linc had just finished his beer when the door opened. His gaze met Mark’s in the mirror. Darlene sauntered in. Mark’s eyes lit up while Linc groaned. He wasn’t up for her and her shenanigans. She knew Mark had a thing for her, and every time Linc came in she played this stupid game of coming on to him. All to make Mark jealous.

  “Hey, guys.” She took the stool on the opposite side of Linc. He didn’t even look at her, but watched Mark eyeballing her in the mirror. He should just get up and leave, but going back to the empty house didn’t appeal to him at all.

  “Hey, Grant, give me another one.”

  “I heard some news.” Darlene leaned over to Linc, staring straight into his eyes. “I hear your wife tore out of your driveway the other night and hasn’t been back since.” She gently rested her hand on his forearm as though to comfort him, but Linc felt she wanted more.

  He swallowed hard, but didn’t look at her. He did not need this. Grant set the beer in front of him and he resisted the urge to drain the glass. “Who’ve you been talking to?”

  “Oh, people around.” She grinned, as if she knew she held a morsel of truth.

  “That true?” Mark sounded upset by the news. Linc didn’t know if it was because he hadn’t told him, or because now he saw Linc as a real threat to his chances with Darlene.

  “We just had a fight,” Linc
said through clenched teeth. “We’ll be fine.” He wondered if they knew he was lying.

  “That’s not what people are saying.” Darlene smiled too brightly. She leaned against him now, her breast brushing against his arm so slightly it could almost have been an accident. He swallowed hard and mentally cursed. This wasn’t happening. He took another swig of his beer and nonchalantly scooted away from her.

  Mark leaned forward, trying to get Darlene’s attention. “What’s wrong with you, girl? Can’t you see the man’s in no mood for your company?”

  “This isn’t any of your business.” She leaned forward, pressing against Linc more deliberately this time.

  Darlene wasn’t a bad person, and in another life he might actually have been attracted to her.

  Anger pulsed through him. In all the years he’d been with Julia, he’d been faithful to her. He’d never cheated, never even thought about it. And where had that gotten him? Seven years of marriage down the tubes and an empty house waiting for him.

  He looked at Darlene. What if…

  “I’m going home.” He stood and Darlene climbed down from the stool. “Alone.” He headed to the door and didn’t bother looking back. He knew there wasn’t anyone he wanted except Julia. And he might spend the rest of his life wanting something he couldn’t have.

  For five days, Linc waited for Julia to come back. He went to work every morning, expecting her to be there when he returned each night. Her spot in the garage remained tauntingly empty.

  He called everyone they knew—and that was damned few people here in town. No one had heard from her. She hadn’t contacted anyone, except to call in sick to work.

  On Wednesday night he found the light on the answering machine blinking when he walked in the door. He pushed Play and Julia’s voice filled the house, banishing the shadows that threatened to take over. He held his breath as he listened.

  “Linc, I’ll be by tomorrow afternoon to pick up the rest of my things.” That was it. Nothing more.